It’s 9a.m. Do you know where your players are?

I'm hoping they're out defending your turf on battleworld and not healing in the infirmary. After a sensational Week 1, football came crashing back to Earth with some defensive blood baths and mass casualties. So how did your squad do? Let's take a peek around the league.

Meme of the Week

*(Points Scored x2) + (Points Scored Winning %) + (Points Scored * Winning % if played vs the median score of the week)

I decided to come in hot on Thursday night, chucking my hammer at Jimmy like DJ Moore threw his body into the end zone. But to my surprise, Jimmy caught the hammer and shattered it with ease, just like DJ was shattered by that tackle. What transpired next was pure humiliation. The Beerserkers swung around aimlessly, with Etienne, Price, Wilson, Hockenson and supposed golden boy Justin Herbert all scoring in the single digits. Very ironic that Mr. Madison beer would tank the Beerserkers. Meanwhile, Jimmy's team operated with trickster efficiency, saving his Loki bravado for a real matchup. Kyren and Bucky sliced and diced my squad, while JSN unleashed the wrath of Jötunheim with a 44 point blizzard, icing out every other team in the league. Jimmy scores his first victory against me in an absolute blow out. The Beerserkers crumpled with a final score of 54 points, the worst game in franchise history and one of the worst in any Fellowship season. Dejected, I decided to jetted off to Minnesota to play video games and drink with my friend, Korgler Murray.

However… Jimmy picked up the phone I left and began scrolling in a char labeled “Kangs”. 

“What is Pay Gorn? Why is every other message about gooning? And who are the Kangs?”, Jimmy asked himself are he combed through the codes of the cryptic chat.

Scarlet Witch may love an Android in the movies, she thrashes them in Fantasy Football. Her Pats D locked horns with Trevor's Ram Defense system, which put up a good fight at 12 points, but was wrestled to the ground. With his motherboard exposed, JARVIS had some major malfunctions on offense: 8.12 from Drake Maye, 7.5 from Jeremiyah Love, a critical 1.1 from Malik Narbers! Warren and Chuba were solid, but couldn't carry the team. Alyssa unleashed a double Cowboy Hex on Trev, with CeeDee and Fergie doing 56 points worth of damage combined! Sparks flew, but not the kind the Algorithm was looking for. Alyssa moves on to her next reality to conquer, kicking off the season at 2-0. Trevor finds himself at an unfamiliar spot at 0-2, and is really going to need to modify his Algorithm to get his season back on track.

This was starting to look like a real suck off until SNF. Super Highly drafted star Justice Hill phased through his game at 3 points. Courtland Sutton, the Chargers D and Javonte Williams all towed the line with bum like performances. Unfortunately, Rogue Lecter absorbed that energy, but magnified the repercussions. Luther was a bit of a Burden, while Barkley and Goedert got banged up. Oh my injured reserve! But then something magical happened. Former Detroit Lions Matthew Stafford saved the day like Kitty Pride’s Collosus, putting up 27 points and sealing it for Jess, with a final score of 103.98-78.38. With the victory, Jess happily handed off the vaunted MACKSUCKEN over to Abigail. Slowly, Haribo Lecter started to itch and hunger for…. Brains!!! Now Saquon and Goedert aren't the only undead members of her team. That's right folks, if you get the Macksucken, you become the Marvel Zombie team for the week! If you lose to Abigail, beware: you'll be festive for October!

Was somebody holding out for a hero? Not Rawb! He's technically a villain, but it's hard not to root for Josh Allen when he crushes hordes of Lions for almost 40 points! Truly, a Homo Superior. Jaylen Waddle came out of the Shadows to almost match Tony's Symbiote, Ja'Marr Chase. Jonathan Taylor looked like he was made of Titanium against the Chiefs defense on Sunday night, almost netting Rob 30 points.

But it turns out Tony was holding out for a hero too: And his name is Travis Kelce. Against all odds, Kelce turned back the clock, becoming a magnet for Mahomes and therefore Fantasy points. The burly, Ohio man dragged 101yds and past the end zone for a final score of 142.22 to 145.76. The Movie Chef does his best Spider-Man dance to celebrate the epic comeback over Rawbneto, who Chargers out in Rawblin tradition. Rob is 1-1, but 2-0 against the Median. Can Tony really goon himself into first place?

Tony made a little discovery of his own, finding Rob’s Kangs transmitter, only to laugh at all the goon jokes… but then ask why he wasn't invited.

Your friendly neighborhood Spider-Josh looked to knock the Emperor off his throne. But the Sun God set the tone, setting Josh back 35.7 points with a solar blast. From this point on it was catch up, but Achane and Henry couldn't web sling fast enough to catch up to seismic performances by Purdy, Devonta Smith and… George Kittle? Did he get injured later last season? It seems Dom is using the powers of the Molecule Man to their fullest, replenishing every facet of his team. Then Josh threw the Hail Mary of all Hail Marys, with a 40 point attack by Devante Adams. But even this incredible performance was far from bridging the gap, causing Josh to crash back down to Earth from the skyscrapers. Dom really is starting to look like God Emperor Doom, with an impressive 160 points, the highest score this week.

Santa Clause came to Widowville looking to deliver a beat down. What he wasn't expecting was that the chimney was booby trapped with a James Cook! Alex was able to withstand the 21 point blast, with his trusty reindeer CMC dashing into the living room to the tune of 22.7 points. Ever the waiver warrior, Katie's sleeper cells, Wicks and Vele, put up some solid resistance to Alex with double digit performances from each. But Alex had two elves, Patrick Mahomes and Kenneth Walker, combine for over 60 points to bury her. Alex starts off the season strong while Katie sits at the bottom of the naughty list.

Ron smelled blood in the water and came for the rookie after last week's performance. That blood surprisingly wasn't from Omarion Hampton, who managed to put up a 17.7 point defense. But Drake linden did as Drake London does and disappointed Mr Peters as Ron put a Dalton Kincaid strangle hold on him, followed by a commanding Crystal Olave chomp with both attaining over 22 points a piece. Stephan Diggs was a solid rebuttal from tim, but the Ravens dealt him some disappointment (no disrespect to Mark Andrews). Ron already had this deal sealed on Monday Night Football but suffered the ultimate loss of a Jaxson Dar suffering a Fantasy Season ending injury. Talk about a pyrrhic victory! Ron managed to Average Boe this one at 103.83 points while Tim is looking to notch his first victory as well as his first triple digit game in the fellowship.

There is no calm before this storm! Dom is back to franchise form sitting atop The power rankings at 287 points for. Jimmy has started off as the dark horse of the season with a 2-0 start after being in the toilet bowl to end last season. Meanwhile, Trevor, one of the league's most dominant teams, and Abigail, last year's runner-up, are both starting off the season 0-2. 

But let's pat the league on the back for being overachievers. It took Marvel three phases to get to the blip after Thanos snapped his fingers and made half the population disappear. The Fellowship reached its blip in Week 2, with over 15 fantasy relevant injuries knocking out our studs. Names like Puka Nucua, Caleb Williams, and Saquon Barkley were just a few of the casualties sustained. But keep in mind, it's a 14 week fantasy season. The waiver wire exploded like End Game’s box office, so I'm excited to see the league participation and want everyone to know that you're far from out of it! So let's get excited for this…Falcons versus Packers matchup? This game seriously feels like Captain Marvel being sandwiched in between relevant films. Oh well, let's all enjoy on Discord like the corporate shills we know ourselves to be.

Stay Hungry,

Tom