It’s that time of the year again! November! But just like a Zombie or the Chargers’ season, spooky season just won't die. Here's 7 scary tales of the undead in order of fright, from Hallmark to horrifying.

*(Points Scored x2) + (Points Scored Winning %) + (Points Scored * Winning % if played vs the median score of the week)

Look out, there's a shark in the water! That phrase did not contain the letter B, so Rogue dove in head first with an absolutely stellar performance 40 point from Joe Burrow! How's that for bait? Ron can do a little baiting too, dangling out a freshly healthy Rice only for him to bite back with 18 points! Quinshoon Judkins and the Browns were bad with a capital B, but Brenton, Burden, Brown and even Barkley showed out for Abigail's delicious gummy squadron. Too bad sharks don't discriminate with Halloween candy! Ron bit down hard with Braellon Allen and Puka ( her Golden boy from last year) infected her with the L Virus. This was actually a good matchup, but unfortunately Abigail has to be the soggy gummy zombie after losing to the king of the Deep. Meanwhile, Ron stays hungry at 500. That's just a warm up though, let's upgrade to the next level of horror.

Tony was dancing thriller style in this West Division showdown. But Loki happens to be a master of the Hokey Pokey. The dance off featured an epic tight end showdown with Brock Bowers edging out Trey by 18 points. Rain poured down, but that seemed to only embolden Bucky Irving, using a TVA portal to punch Tony in the back. Tony deployed his Ja’Marrvel universe powers, but he just couldn't overcome the JSN- Matthew golden combo from the league juggernaut and ended up missing several steps. Those steps started to turn into slow dragging feet as Tony contracted the L-virus. Meanwhile Jimmy is a front-runner for the playoffs at 6-2.

Now things are starting to get scary. Dom held his breath when Christian Watson left Thursday Night Football with an undisclosed injury. Lucky for him, Wisconsin doesn't test zombies. Christian came back out there and ate almost 18 points worth of brains. Dom's horrors weren't over though, as Jacoby was served as brisket for the undead, being pulled from the game after sucking eggs against the cowboys. I'm sure you heard tales about the boogeyman, that he might be under your bed. Well he's actually on Katie's roster and his name is Tony Pollard! After we all thought last week was a fluke, Tony boogeyed his way to 30 points. Katie's team must have realized what was on the line and buried Bodega cat under cobwebs. Dom was helpless to watch as even a 28-point DeAndre Swift performance couldn't get him out of the queen of the jungle's web of victory. Despite only having two losses, this one is eating him alive.

The website is making me watch my own horror movie Clockwork Orange style with this pick. The Beererksers have been zombies, trudging through the season with little sign of life. I was gearing up for another week of disappointment, which Samaje Perine and Omar Cooper solidly delivered. Alyssa, the queen of the undead herself, was performing at her normal high standards, with J-Love, McMillan, and Tuten giving me the business. But some Sparks started to generate within Thor. Michael Wilson and DJ Moore shot out like Thunderbolts, keeping the Thor Corps. in this matchup and even getting the lead after the first slate of games. That lead was retained until Sunday Night Football, with Rachad white sputtering and Thor holding down Scarlet Witch, believing her last breath to have been spent. But you can never count Queen Crimson out. Tanner McKee threw an interception, leading to a White Run and touchdown, reversing the de-zombification I was experiencing. Alyssa continues to be one of the best teams in the league. Now the 50 points I benched haunt me as I enter a seven game losing streak. I might as well focus on eating brains, because I'm sure as hell not eating W's. Believe it or not, there are two teams with worse fates than mine…

Jess thought she could scare Rob out of a win, but she's really not aware of how much he loves horror. It was The nightmare before Higgins, as Tee put a magnetic pounding on the lines. Jahmyr Gibbs was his Jaymhyr self, but the rest of Jess's roster came down with the L Virus hard. She scratched and clawed all she could, but metal doesn't contract illnesses. Rob might have lost Tyler Loop to the undead, but he gains the second spot in the east. Meanwhile, Jess is snacking on brain pasta.

Josh was sitting on a boat with Devon Achane, Terry McLaurin, and Devante Adams fishing after he just drafted them. " We're going to make a run for the championship this year aren't we boys?”. The three All-Stars all high five each other on the boat. 

Josh awoke from his dream in a cold sweat only to see those same three players, now zombified, clawing at his window. This haunting plagues Josh, who can only ride Derek Henry to safety. But there was no safety on the back door of the cabin, with Trevor waiting for him. The JARVIS consciousness was now inhabiting an Ultron body, as he unleashed Drake Maye and Chuba Hubbard rockets into spider josh. Jerry Jeudy and Ted Hurst laid eggs, while Parker Washington was a total misfire out of the web shooters. Despite a very modest Terminator performance of 105 points, Josh was stifled and buried by his 57.13 black hole. Terry, Devante and Devon all finally caught up to him and feasted upon the lowest score in his franchise history. Josh joined them in a zombie pack to hunt for more brains.

If the first matchup was Hocus pocus, this one is the Terrifier franchise. Tim looked to bounce back and snap his eight-game losing streak with Lamar leading the charge. But Christmas came early for Alex, as Lamar busted his thumb on the first play. The Hex continued to curse Groot, with an Omarion Hampton dud and Drake London getting injured and scoring under two points. Jonah Coleman thanked Tim for holding on to him by gifting him 20 points, but our zombified friend was pretty much dust at that point. Santa must be awfully jolly even though Zay flowers is probably a lump of coal at this point. Tim, who was already the Malort Macsucken zombie, has yet to taste a win. Fantasy is not but a weekly impalement by the NFL into a Chunkahontas franchise with no life in its eyes. Tim, who we all can agree is a good guy, is forced to feast on waiver wire players, never knowing the joy of a living fantasy stud.

The first ever Fellowship zombies were truly a fright! Tim, Josh, and I lurk at the bottom of the league trying to find healthy teams to feast on. Meanwhile, Jimmy, Dom, Alex and Alyssa are all in the fortress sipping on their delicious records at the top of the Fellowship. But just remember, no one is truly safe from a bad performance. Pucker up, because next week is the only legal opportunity for you to beat your spouse!

Don’t let the undead bite,

Tom

[FADE FROM BLACK]